VERITAS NEWSLETTER SEPTEMBER 2024 – EXPECTATIONS

RETIREES EXPECTATIONS and our REALITY

What is it we could or should expect from our retirement in the Philippines? What do YOU want? Our viewpoint depends largely on the lives we’ve led prior to retiring, prior to moving to a new continent and living in a new country.  Were you an employee most of your working or professional life, or were you more of an entrepreneur? For those already here, what did you originally anticipate your life would be here?  What are your hobbies? Would here be a conducive environment to continue them or could you pursue new hobbies?

Were you mesmerized by endless photos of lush trees swaying, sand beaches and beautiful Pinays sighing breathlessly at every word you spoke? Perhaps you saw yourself sitting comfortably while sipping cocktails nonchalantly watching time slip by unnoticed while you waxed eloquently to your adoring acolytes.

All the vulgarity and anger you experienced in the west would hopefully in time be reduced to a vague memory. The woman, or women, who came close to destroying you both financially and emotionally would also fade into oblivion, gone like morning mist.

You may have decided to become part of an expat group here meeting frequently to discuss your lives and politics back in the west.

Does any of this sound familiar?

What’s your reality?  I’m going to discuss the experiences of a Canadian I knew. His was a story of highs and lows. He passed away recently while sitting alone in the garden looking up at the lovely Mt. Talinas. His caregiver had brought him coffee. When she returned Dave was gone. He had a slight smile on his face that was open to interpretation.

Hopefully you may learn something from his experience. But if not, his story is at least interesting and needed advice on caution.

I’ll finish this month’s newsletter with an overview of other Expat-Pinay relationship experiences.

In his mid-fifties, Dave was tired of his life in Toronto, Canada. He had a profitable business there but felt a need for a meaningful relationship with a special woman. His experiences in Canada were less than satisfactory. The women were superficial and materialistic. So, he went online and was intrigued by what he saw and read about women in South East Asia, particularly in the Philippines! After two interesting but short visits here, he decided to end his life in the West and begin his Grand Adventure in the Philippines!

When he arrived here from Toronto in 2019 he delighted in the attention of many lovely Pinays. He rejoiced because of his wise decision to retire here! Occasionally he’d close his eyes and wonder if he’d somehow located a form of female heaven!  He realized Pinays were naturally effortlessly sensual by nature. And the attention they showered on him! Wow. Happy days indeed!

After extensive research, he finally decided on a sultry, warm, happy Pinay named Maria. He gave her a monthly stipend and started planning for her to move in. Suddenly her family, who had only been briefly discussed, appeared out of the woodwork! Her mother  had bad health, her parents’ little home was damaged and needed work urgently done before the roof caved in, school fees for her youngest sister were long overdue.  And more, much more.

It may seem crewel to the casual observer that Dave’s fellow expats roared with laughter when he explained developments. His  story was one the old timers had often heard before. Group consensus unanimously recommended Dave not walk away but run as fast as possible to distance himself from Maria and her family which had by then grown into a wild assortment of over forty. A partial list included parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts , cousins, and mysterious distant, extended family members.

Dave eventually delivered his uncomfortable departure speech to an adoring Maria whose eyes fluttered non- stop in anticipation of a hefty payday for her and her family. As she began to grasp the reality of Dave’s little chat, her body froze before she unleashed a barrage of language that, even in the absence of knowing Cebuano, Dave realized he was being savagely cursed. His beautiful Pinay had, in a literal blink of an eyelid, transformed herself into a savage beast. She quickly became an unpleasant memory that he should have, but did not, learn from.

He wandered into a not exact, but similar, ending on three more occasions. After the final occasion when he realized his adorable Pinay’s mother had somehow died twice and from different illnesses, he finally recognized the folly of his ways. He decided to take a lengthy leave of absence from his romantic endeavors.  He was puzzled because he knew of several expats and their Pinay companions who seemed to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship. It seemed he was destined not to find anything other than artificial romance. Therefore, apart from an occasional tryst with a street walker, he went into semi-retirement regarding romance.

He used to sit in Why Not restaurant or sip coffee at Sans Rival in Robinson’s Mall observing couples interacting. He usually cringed when seeing the initial glow reverberating between couples in the early stages of their relationships. But he also saw many March-December couples who clearly were on excellent terms. He came to the sad realization it must be he who was the problem. That observation prodded him to permanently retire from Pinay relationships.

He developed a strong interest in gardening. His energy was then focused on seeing nature express itself in a pure, nonthreatening  ways.

Yes, he told me, he occasionally felt sadness when he woke during the night or when getting up in the morning alone while listening to deafening silence in every room.

I hadn’t seen him for a few months before hearing of his death. In accordance with his wishes his cremated remains wee returned to Canada for disposal. I don’t know if he went gently into eternal darkness but it’s possible he may have left without objection.

Please don’t think Dave’s situation is common here. It’s not. There are many fine Pinay women who enthusiastically enter loving and long-lasting relationships with older foreigners. It’s just that we feel an obligation to inform our clients, newsletter subscribers, or anyone considering moving here about possible issues you may face.

Also important to in mind is deep withing the Philippine DNA is a respect for elders. Partly because of that, we have many other expats in honorable relationships joyfully living out their final years in this lovely archipelago. The wisdom of their decision to relocate is the norm rather than Dave’s situation. And the good sense of moving here is reinforced the crazier the Western world becomes. Sadly, there’s no sign of that easing up.

What about the most important person I’m connecting with? YOU. You may be concerned about uprooting from the theoretical security you have but you also acknowledge some level of unhappiness where you live. We hear few stories about expats who have settled here returning to their home country. That fact is revealing and will hopefully help you in finally deciding to enrich your life and come here!

Our advice at VERITAS is to simply come and visit for four to six months. That should be sufficient time to allow you to overcome the initial excitement and form an objective opinion regarding what’s best for you. It’s a plan with no downside. Please don’t deprive yourself by further procrastination. A time will come when it will too late for you to move. Because of age, declining health, or other reasons, your delays  will deprive you and some special lady here from  receiving the joy and comfort available to you here. What’s the advantage for you in doing that? Please book your airline ticket. The time has come to reward yourself!