VERITAS NEWSLETTER APRIL 2024

Happy April to all of us.

This month I’m going to discuss a topic that’s fraught with potential for both wonderful or horrid outcomes. Yes, it’s the Expat and Pinay relationship!

Let’s be honest folks, many of us came here because of the beauty and effortless sensuality of Pinays. I’ve lived in many countries on every inhabited continent but NEVER encountered any female as enticing as a Pinay.

Like many of us, when I came here on January 1^st. 2017, I’d no intention of entering a real or “serious” relationship. I was foot loose and fancy free. When I’s come to a fork in the road I’d never be bothered about an annoying, tedious, debate with “her” about whether to go left or right. No sir, not me! Despite my declarations, three months later I was involved in a relationship that lasted a long time!

Let’s discuss who we expats are when we arrive here. We usually come from the Western world, from America, Canada, European countries, Australia, or New Zealand. We’re often battered and bruised from painful relationships that resulted in acrimonious divorces.

The last thing many of we want here is a relationship with its inevitable complexities. An occasional encounter would be fine but thinking rationally, who might be interested in us, especially at our age and in our condition. Looking down, many of us last saw our feet many years ago. Our concept of strenuous exercise is a long walk from the couch to the fridge to get a cold beer.

But soon after we settle in, we’re flabbergasted by the attention we receive from beautiful Pinays. Not only beautiful, but young and interested in us. Some even hang on our every word. What the heck’s doing on? The answer to that question is complicated.

We arrived here feeling empty, had zero self-esteem, but, stunned by the unexpected attention we feel invigorated, the fountain of youth now rushes through our veins. I’m being diplomatic when suggesting that we’re romantically reborn!

Basking in our new inexplicable glory, a lovely Pinay draped on our arm, we move along Rizal boulevard with a spring in our steps and movement elsewhere we hadn’t experienced in years. We smile wryly when realizing back in your country there would be a risk of us being locked up despite the girl being of legal age. And the savage stares especially from the bitter, withered hags! Unfortunately, they would be the best option we could hope for back in the Western world.

This unexpected attention requires an understanding of Philippine culture. The role of family and obligations to the family is central to this society. If a Pinay develops, a relationship with an expat she is expected to also provide financial care for her family. That could be several people or significantly more.

We naive expats, blinded by the shock and delight in rediscovering our long-lost virility become the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. We choose not to see warning signs even after our girlfriend’s’ grandmother dies a second time. And the funeral expenses have significantly increased since the first funeral.

Requests for family assistance soon become demands. Why? Why not? Once any money is given to her family, it’s assumed more will follow. If the expat gave $50 why not $100, or more. Since he’s a foreigner he’s assumed to be “wealthy.” And he, being new to the country and figuring it’s not much money anyway, happily hands over the money all the while ignoring plentiful warning signs.

Let me make one point clear here. These observations are in no way intended as a form of criticism or disrespect to some women in Philippine society. If a beautiful Pinay consensually agrees to be involved in a relationship of whatever format with a senior foreigner, a retired expat, what’s wrong with that? It’s at least temporarily wonderful for the expat while also benefiting the Pinay. And, provided both parties clearly understand the nature of the exchange, what’s wrong with their arrangement? I believe nothing is inappropriate provided honesty exists with both individuals understanding the reality and their responsibilities to each other.

Yes, we all know of sad stories about some expats who’ve been ripped off, been scammed by an unscrupulous Pinay. That’s sad but statistically unavoidable. Even a basic form of preplanning that attorneys on the VERITAS panel provide could have eliminated those unnecessary outcomes.

On a brighter side, I firmly believe if one is fortunate enough to meet a special Pinay, there is no woman from any country who could enrich an expat’s life as well as a Pinay can. The mysterious journey of discovery one needs to travel to meet that lady, to learn to accept her as she is, and for her to accept you as you are, can be tortuous, frightening, but never boring.

I know of many couples who are happy and live fulfilled lives. The age gap can be significant but does not need to present any significant obstacles. For those of us fortunate to achieve contentment and an evolved level of unexpected happiness at the final stage of our lives, we NEVER take our relationship for granted. Nor should we.

Some presently unknown day in the future will be our last. Every day should be viewed as a gift. We’ve also perhaps for the first time in our lives been given the opportunity and, more importantly, have the willingness to finally contribute to a loving relationship. In my case I’ve also been gifted a wonderful daughter who I dearly love. Since I won’t be around when she fulfils her destiny, I do my best to quietly suggest life lessons I hope may help her when I’m no longer here to guide her.

I’m not intending to sound morose. These late life experiences are unexpected, joyful gifts. Those of us fortunate to be walking down the road of happy destiny with our Pinays and extended families know it’s important we enjoy every possible moment. And most of us do!